LeIgHtOn RhYmEs WiTh Seitan

Where's my Chicken Report?!

Entries by tag: music idiocy

Selfish Summary of Leighton Story
Hello Russian Porn Spammers!

This is a review of who I, Leighton Mann, have been for the last while:

Five years as an over-ther-road truck driver has eroded my love for the road and humanity (the world is a horrible place), but I still love driving a vehicle that can pull a house off its foundation. The job has also eroded my relationship with local family and friends, so I expect to do something local very soon (even if it involves digging ditches with my Landscape Architecture diploma)... that is after yet another tour.

Speaking of...

Chapstik toured with the Meatmen on the East and West Coast, put out a CD, toured with that. Glori5 put out a CD as a defunct bi-coastal band and played a show with one of Kylesa's drummers, who was awesome for doing so.
I'm now the guitarist for the Meatmen and have gone on multiple tours with Negative Approach and other legendary HC bands as such. Last year, we played to over 2000 people and at a huge festival in Chicago. We tour the West in April and probably Europe in the Fall. Words cannot express the nature of being in a band and conquering the world with one of your heroes (the one who started Touch and Go records and just compiled a great book). Also, you get to be eaten by topless zombies: (for obvious reason, NSFW)

Jennifer and I went to Peru. It's not overrated or overrun by hipsterati, yet.

I now have a forearm tattoo, possibly ensuring I'll never get a real job again.

I haven't had a TV in 4 years. I love Ghost right now. I own thirteen guitars and just gave away one to my nephew. I still own a large van and a Fiero for transport, though I may have to buy something new as neither have A/C. It won't be a new Camaro.

Went into the hospital a couple of times for things that ended up not killing me.

I have money now but expect to be poor when I change jobs.

I hate LiveJournal and the people who run FaceBook.

Seriously, people called.

Of course there's a new episode of my podcast online, why do you ask?
Half of Alaska's on fire?

It is totally the fault of iTunes and subscribing to the Broken and Hearted Podcast via iTunes!

In this Episode:
Songs Covered by Your Band

The inevitable All-Covers Podcast has re-arrived. I guarantee you haven’t heard at least two of these unreleased songs, but you wanted to hear them.

But there’s so much more: CB clips, calls from listeners in far away states, Fox News updates, I BOUGHT A BANJO, and a nose hair knitting segment.

Covers by and of:
Black Flag
Jesus and Mary Chain
Pussy Galore
JJ's Paradise Player's Club
Big Boys
Beach Boys
Today is the Day
Circle Jerks

Thanks to DanG and Son of Darold for the unreleased stuff.

There is a bonus Ida Maria live bit at the end that destroys my cred.

West Coast MeatStik Tour Summary - Pt. 1
This is what LJ's for.

Building upon hochi666's recount on FaceBook, here's what we can remember from the Chapstik / Meatmen West Coast leg of shows:

First, I have to say how great it was to tour with Tesco and his crew / band / demented family and how great my band held it together in tight quarters and long rides. Looking back, it still was one of the most fun times I've had having sex with another band.

Drove for two days straight after loading the van and trailer in Detroit, stopping in Iowa during a storm and then at a Cheyenne, Wyoming hotel to get gay with the Meatmen and a tumbleweed.

• May 14 2009 BURT’S TIKI LOUNGE - Salt Lake City, Utah - "Surprisingly unconservative, violent crowd"

I ate vegan food in SLC for the second time. HoChi and I walked to the Mormon Temple where we almost had the balls to walk into the main, forbidden building -which was left open during a wedding. Instead we were cornered by two missionary girls who were lucky enough only to ask HoChi about his religious views. Show was fun considering the Mormonic nature of the area. Someone almost took Malosh and his guitar rig off the stage in a fit of Meat fervor. We heard from the tattooed Meatmen fans that SLC is a very liberal area completely surrounded by Glenn Becks with guns and inbreeding. A homeless guy bought us Arizona tea, frozen burritos and chicken, then I remembered him from my punk days in Tampa, FL. Pink Lincolns rule! We slept in Layton, Utah that night, incubating many jokes about my name and sex.

• May 15 2009 Gusto’s Boise, Idaho 6:00P "Featuring the naked load out!"

Hardcore fact: Boise, Idaho has the largest Basque population in the US. Meatman drummer, Ian, is a scholar of isolate languages and was thrilled to eat at one of the many Basque restaurant / bars during a street festival. The beer and lentils ruled. The show was really fun, because I got to play with the Meatmen and crippled kid in a "Crippled Children Suck" Tshirt started the pit:

This was the first West Coast test of Tesco's non-PC humor, and Boise passed with flying colors. The bar liked our band and got 3/5 of us so drunk that Dan and Elvis loaded the trailer completely pantsless. I changed a trailer tire, worried about the severe wear already on both bands' trailers. This may have been one of the greatest nights for me musically, because Tesco came up and sang our cover of 999's "Homicide" and I later played on stage with The Meatmen. Even the under-aged kids watching from the sidewalk got the jokes:

• May 16 2009 FUN HOUSE - Seattle, Washington "A TAD exciting"

The best scenery is the drive West into Seattle. Our drummer had never been west of Chicago, so this was like touring the moon. Chapstik alumnus, Skippy, and his wife Susie, came out and had pizza with us and "Uncle Tesco" at Zeke's. Was really cool, because the last time we played Seattle was for their wedding. We ran into Tad (yes that TAD) and Peggy in the bar. They were apparently there to see us play what turned out to be one of our more intense sets. One of the Mentors were there and was not quite getting the Tesco humor, because he brought a 2lb dog to the show. This was by far the show with the most dogs and basketball hoops being used. It was packed; people liked us. We love Seattle. I was handed or offered heroin three times for putting on a good show. I shot some up in this backstage bathroom. We need to finish writing the next album, because Tad wants to record it.

• May 17 2009 PLAN B - Portland, Oregon - "What stinks? Portland crust!"

My band was thoroughly unimpressed with this town despite it having the biggest crowd of the leg. I can see why: as we pulled up to Plan B, we saw a guy smoking crack behind the large venue. The crowds and opening bands were numerous & good, but they all really, really smelled bad - worse than us. Extra points to the band with the bass clarinet, but the guy playing it was the guy smoking crack earlier. I got a microphone stand shoved into my face in a good way and Ian the Pit Viper got to hang out with his hero, Spit Stix, drummer of Fear! But even my delicious orange Tang doughnut purchase was tainted by the hoardes of homeless with iPhones we had to wade through to get to Voodoo Doughnuts at 3am.

May 18th- day off in North California with our old drummer, Brian, and his family. Excellent food and margaritas (I'm told).

• May 19 2009 THEE PARKSIDE - San Francisco, California - "SFCA is not PC and we love that.

After being interviewed by Naked Rob on his awesome Pirate Cat Radio show (a real, tolerated station complete with swear words), we booked it to the club, so we could book it to one of our three Amoeba Records runs. The opener, “The Meat Sluts” We probably the best opener of the tour. All girl, meat-themed rock and roll:
. They were passing out "ONE LESS FIXIE" stickers to the appreciative fans of overconfident hipster death. If there was a band that could carry on as the Meatwomen in the punk pantheon of humor, it is The Meat Sluts. By far, this club had the best sound of the trip. The PA itself and the acoustics were not encouraging, but while listening to the Sluts and their small gear, I could not believe how good and big it sounded. The secret? the best sound guy in the world is never a guy:

TIGGY Dave of the Meatmen told me later that she id sound for The Paybacks on the Little Steven tour. She said she was about to tour with Peter Murphy. So glad she got to slum for us and The Meat.

Like most shows, we drove after playing to get to a bed or two. This time, we climbed the Santa Cruz mountains on a tiny, winding, steep road that was slow, but filled with fun, near-death encounters involving wildlife and cliffs. The GPS "short cut" eventually got us to Elvis' aunt's amazing place hidden between redwoods, rare Chinese Sequoia and home made Kahlua.

• May 20 2009 VELVET JONES - Santa Barbara, California - "Literal Attack of the Midget, Part I"
California tans, face lifts, $10 to park the vans, and picturesque pier / boardwalk, $10 veggie burgers, a venue you could lick, and pristine streets did not bode well for a wild night of pissed off rock. But when we ran into two women on the street who already had their chests signed by Tesco, we knew that Santa Barbara had a seedy underbelly (or shanty town nearby).
The promoter of the show decided he wanted his band to go on right before The Meatmen instead of us (we were direct support for these tours and shared some gear). We agreed to the change, knowing that very few local bands could match the power of Chapstik on tour. When we finished, the guy hung his head low and whimpered something about not wanting to go on after that. They were hardly the worst support of the tour, so... meh. We got to rest before enjoying The Meatmen at least.
We needed the rest, because the singer from one of the earlier bands, the "little person" of the band Castle Greyskull was planning on attacking us on stage.

I had no idea someone was trying to punch my crotch during the set.

More later.

Best Betcha Can't Play This
Technical fingerpicking / hammer guitar demo made better by the presenter's accent:

There are real versions of this "challenge" too.
Ben Weinman (Dillinger) actually (willingly?) gets his ass handed to him by guys with fingernail polish.

But lame chops are no match for Dillinger's literally-crowd-kicking Live Show.

The show to end it all at...
Fri AUG 19

$7 / Under 21 $10. 18+
Doors 9:30 p.m.

I'll be a lot like the guy hiding in the middle...just more shirtless and I won't need a wig.

Breaking the (Sodomy) Law
Rob Halfred is on Fresh Air, today, right now. His voice is cracking.

"Do not go to this show if you don't want to, I command you!"
I know it's LJ, but I'm really sick of seeing bands / performers (some of them my friends / some on the HC sites) use imperatives to "make" me come to their show, either here or via email.

Here's a way to get me avoid your show and be suspicious of every band on the bill, just start your commandment with:

"Here are your plans tonight..." (an anti-fascist band's playing?)
"There is only one show this weekend..." (surprised it's a bad one?)
"Whatever you were doing, this is what you're doing tonight instead..." (there aren't enough bands with domanatricies anymore?)
"All your friends are going to be there..." (oh really?)
"Rock show of the year..." (You said that last week, remember?)
"listen up, cuz ya'll been warned..." (what, a brain-eating storm of bad music is coming to take my grammar / hypenation abilities away too?)
"If you know whats good for you,... " (No, I don't.)

Everyone is in a band now. Almost no one is a true fan: it's a natural ego centrist result. Shows that do well are ones where the bands may have: lots of friends (who are probably in bands too), little original talent, "hot chicks" or "hot guys", drug connections, or a combination thereof. And that's fine. Music has suffered, but not too much.
Clubs are no longer a place where people go no matter who /what is playing. Video games are rivaling sex as entertainment, and you don't need to leave the house to get your game on. It wasn't always this way, but griping about it is just stupid. Blogging is the new being in a band. And we all still go to each others' "show", because it gets us away from work, not the house.

Saturday, one of my bands does play (surprise!). But I don't expect hardly any of you to be there. This time, it's in a sometimes-maligned place that seems to have one of the last, great built in crowds in the business.

The tagline is slightly honest: "An evening of Stoner Southern Doom and Outlaw Country"
Diegrinder, Whitey Morgan and the Waycross Georgia Farmboys plus Chapstik (headlining) . But 10pm is not really "evening".

Saturday June, 18 2005 at The Machine Shop
3539 S. Dort Highway, Flint, MI 48507

Hey Wolfbait, remember those one night stands 15 years ago in the abandon church? They spawned a band:

Good enough bands to piss on.
IN MY OPINION anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

Probably the most-common useless self-promotion bands do is stick their stickers in urinals. "Damn this band I'm pissing on must be good".

The 10 most ridiculous hip hop photos notwithstanding, local rapper / Kid Rock DJ, Paradime, wins for strangest waste of $$ and time in self-promotion:
Driving around uberwhite Ann Arbour in a custom van, with a huge picture of your own face on it. It's like watching a weiner drive the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile around a convent, looking for a blowjob.

Obligatory pic of said mobile, with phallusdriver obscured to protect its family:

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