leighton

I like it when atheist, non-car guys make fun of cars and hippies in car magazines.

Penn Jillette in Motor Trend:

So Jillette settled on a Bronco and, confident in his manhood, promptly painted it pink. "I'm very happy being big and effeminate," he says.

"I've been told by friends in L.A. that if you want to f--- Hollywood starlets, you've got to have a Prius," Jillette states with authority. "Everybody I know that has a Prius, has it just to get laid because douchebag women in L.A. who can't read think a Prius is someone who's saving the world! It's like guys that used to go to peace marches to get laid. Now you have a Prius to get laid in."

Since that isn't an issue for Jillette these days, he's happy with his Mini Cooper. "It's actually a much more green car than a Prius, but it doesn't play that way," he says. "It's a much better deal than the Prius and it doesn't have the batteries that are going to be impossible to get rid of."

Sparked by tongodeon post:

When asked that "You want to keep your teeth for the rest of your life" question by our dentist, I answered "no". They didn't say anything to me but mentioned it to my wife. They also constantly tried to upsell me with whitening and a teeth grinding night protector. I told them I grind my teeth during the day and sleep with my mouth wide open all night. My wife confirmed the mouth-dreaming. They ignored me and scheduled an expensive fitting. I never went back to them.

Dentistry is a religion, and a selling game. Dentistry is Scientology. But even Scientology isn;t all bad.

Chapstik's new stuff is in the material world and on Chapstik Bomb dot comb
Also, were forming a Boston tribute band called Let Me Scholz You.

New Podcast is up. You can listen to it here in a window. Or subscribe like all the other Apple fanboys like me.

Disturbingly, this one’s measured in hands!

Podcast by your favorite vegetarian, atheist truck driver / failed rock star. This one caps the repeatable stories of our Western-leg tour with The Meatmen. Midgets, celebrities, hair-flavored microphones besot the topic memo. Also:
A phone conversation with FuTuRe Leighton.
Music by Hasil Adkins, chickens, Tad, plus the latest Tom Waits tribute band and Red Fang.

Billy Ocean was waaay better.



Also:

Free Red Fang Download of Witness
Not the best song of the album, but it is, so far, my album of the year.

Seriously, with the early video alone it would win:

Driving the truck, I rent cars when I have time off in odd places. (More recently, because someone stole my cheap back-of-truck bike in Ohio). Rentals are usually the crack whores of the automotive world, treated cheaply and inhumanely.

When in Denver, I was given a choice: Nissan Versa or Chevy Cobalt. VERSA VERSA VERSA. The Nissan didn't drive poorly, but it only got about 28mpg, had serious rattles, and was anemic. The next time, in rural Kentucky, I had no choice: Cobalt, two different times. This most popular invisibility machine ever manufactured was, somehow, not a horrible ride. Yeah, both had a horrid interior and typical GM warped rotors. But the radio worked well and the trip / computer told me more than I needed to know.

The first one got 34mpg, despite my attempts to remove 1" of tread at every light and corner. At one point, I was followed by my wife in her Mazda , which has a suspension that cost more to design than 10 years of GM private jet leases. On back KY roads, the Cobalt was pulling away from everything without sweating about it. Or maybe I'm insane and wish they'd bring back the Chevette with a Small Block and a lift kit?




I'd seriously consider an SS Cobalt, since even jaded BMW-centered journalists seem to approve of it in disgust, because it is that fast. The sedan is another ultimate Sleeper. If an anonymousmobile beats your MiniS or 3 Series to the next on ramp, it might be this:

http://www.facebook.com/leightonsatan

If you are another ex-girlfriend who tried to hire someone to stab me in the 80's, please note, I am armed:


with Obama Shoes:



...and that sure is my cell number.

I may actually break down and get the new, new iPhone 3GS




Reasons I am intrigued: (Not because it reminds dyslexics like me of the excellent Infinity G35S)

I can get it cheaper than most. Current ATT Podpeople will have to pay $200-400 more than someone like me with a new contract. (possibly to keep supply in check?)
Good Android phones are not coming out fast enough.
It has voice command for the phone and iPod music access. Picking songs while driving a 40 ton truck is best done with both eyes n the road.
Compass and Tomtom support. I am also in the market for a new GPS. This may kill two birds.
A real camera appears!
ATT service seemed fine with two of my bandmates on our recent cross-country tour, so it looks like their service has slightly improved for my needs.
Verizon's new phones blow.

Reasons not to get:

ATT service in general will have a hard time coming close to Verizon's.
Verizon may have iPhones soon.
My Samsung Glyde actually works well... for now.
My contract doesn't end until August./ prorated fees.
I will lose it. I know it.

Tesco Vee is working on a trucking-themed song and asked for some recommended terms of the trade he might be able to use these to make the punk / HC song to end all trucking-themed songs:



SALT SHAKER - plow
PICKLE PARK - rest area ...usually with reference illicit sex.
ORGAN DONOR - motorcycle rider driving badly
BLINKER FLUID - doesn't exist
EVEL KNIEVEL - motorcycle cop
COMMERCIAL COMPANY - prostitutes
DISCO LIGHTS - cop lights
Drivin' into the WOLVERINE - entering Michigan
Drivin' into the BUCKEYE - entering Ohio
CHICKEN COOPS - weigh stations
WIGGLE WAGONS - double trailers
HAMMER / GRANNY - fast / slow lanes
REEFER - refrigerated trailer / hauler
SEAT COVER - women passengers in other vehicles
MEAT WAGON - ambulance
STAND ON IT - floor it


NOT recommended:
WATERMELON 500 - term for the interstate loop 285/ area around Atlanta
GAY BAY - San Francisco area

An old acquaintance of ours is in Michigan working with Rob Reiner on a period movie. She moved to LA and actually likes it. I can kind of see it:



The most surprising thing about Hollywood on tour was seeing a movie in a theater where no fellow patron spoke, even during the previews. No cell phones brightened the room either. Such courtesy. This may have been a special situation, because friends recommended the complex (next to Amoeba, I forget the name): they discourage kids in their pricing and the seats are assigned.
The screen itself was monstrous. And it was the loudest movie I ever saw, which may have made the film, "Terminator, Starvation" almost good. At least it kept my mind off the lesbian gang bang porn shoot I declined to attend.


A random job situation gave me 1/2 a day and night in NYC yesterday. I went to a Rick Steves political speech / book signing and wandered aimlessly towards the DOuble DOwn in a town I thought I knew well. I intentionally managed to get lost, found hidden PATH tunnels between closed storefronts, and ate at a fake diner with a secret door to a secret nightclub filled with secretly-wealthy patrons.

I could live there too but am afraid it would destroy my favorite city in the world. It has layers that Chicago, LA and San Francisco could never hope to accumulate, even if they combined efforts.
I am disappointed in New Yorkers' acquiescence to flip flops and a faked version of the original, Vegas DOuble DOwn bathroom, but the dwindling fixie hoarde could be attributed to good taste (hopefully not fatalities).

Saturday morning is the Annual Normal Park Yard Sale, in Ypsilantistan, MI.



It starts at 9AM- no earlier. Any earlybird hipsters or bluehairs will be shot on sight before 9 in the morning. It will be hard for us to wake up tomorrow after partying with Mila Jovovoch and Ed Norton downtown.

Vegan snickerdoodles and cupcakes will be available after 11, South of Congress, on Wallace.

Expect lots of cheap couches and CDs for burning. I'll be selling music gear that I have no right owning.

Life without no A/C really blows,

If anti-choicers really believed abortion were murder, then there would be a doctor assassinated every day. There isn't, so they don't.

In a very indirect way, I very slightly respect people who take their extreme fetus fetish to the only logical conclusion: murdering the "murderer".



Few fundies have the pure, deluded conviction of Dr. George Tiller's assassin. Like religious conviction, no one agrees completely with another person on details of getting an abortion. That is why religion and reproductive freedom should be left to the individual.

"I chose to become an abortion doctor
because abortion is the single greatest issue
of civil rights and personal freedom for women."

— George Tiller, August 8, 1941 to May 31, 2009



In the rear window of the 1993 blue Ford Taurus that (the assassin) was driving was a red rose, a symbol often used by abortion opponents. On the rear of his car was a Christian fish symbol with the word "Jesus" inside.

There's a few things more dangerous than a herd of white people who feel they are powerless.

The AM bunker-broadcasting Osama Bin Limbots are, in part, to blame. Scott P. Roeder's Kansan execution should be carried out by Glenn Beck, after he is waterboarded.

One word synopsis of tour shows so far:

Salt Lake City: MORMON
Boise: CRIPPLE
Seattle: TAD
Portland: SMELL
San Francisco: SLUTS
Santa Barbara: MIDGET
Pomona: THREAT
Hollywood: CELEBS
Las Vegas: SLOTZZ
Albuquerque: ZOMBIES
San Antonio: BLINDED
Austin: CUMFETTI
Coppell, TX: SKEETERS

Chapstik in Dallas tonight with olde REO Speedealer fiends+


Then the MiXXXXXXX in SATX:


No more shows until the reggae album comes out.

Lyrics to Mr. Tapeworm :

crab legs, pate, sweet prok juices
mr. tapeworm never refuses
head cheese, vegies pizzapie
that little guy spits in my eye

oh mr. tapeworm he makes me squirm
nice mr. tapeworm'll make my ring burn

maypo, tofu, screaming zonkers
daily my dead bowels he conquers
crawls out of my dirt chute at night
to feast on my fridges delights

oh mr. tapeworm he makes me squirm
nice mr. tapeworm'll make my ring burn

After the SF show, we drove over the Santa Cruz mountains on a tiny road with the fucking trailer and almost hit 2 deer, then stayed with Elvis' aunt in a redwood forest.


At the Hollywood show, we played for: Nick Oliveri (Queens of the Stone Age / Kyuss / Dwarves / Mondo G...), Slymenstra Hymen (who did more than sing and dance for GWAR, she wrote my fav. GWAR songs), Turbonegro's bass player, Bridget, ...



Playing with the Meatmen is a dream come true. Seeing Tesco wear our shirt during a show made my year:




Las Vegas was so fun, I drank. And while drinking I watched the sun appear through the bar's main entrance and hung out with crazy fire eaters and had to make weird sounds with my tongue.

Name the players:







Hints: GWAR and Desert Rock.